Fingers Crossed – How Music Saved Me From Success
By Miki Berenyi
Revealed by 9 Eight Books
A fearless autobiography from Miki Berenyi, singer and guitarist with 90s band Lush.
I like music autobiography. The difficulty is there aren’t that a lot of them. Simply because somebody is a good singer, it doesn’t essentially observe that they’ll show equally as adept at placing their story down on paper. However right here to disprove that notion is Fingers Crossed, a frank and fascinating learn from Miki Berenyi, late of 90’s indie group Lush.
Lush had been bundled along with what was known as Shoegaze, primarily as a result of its proponents centered their consideration on the consequences pedals at their ft reasonably than their viewers, however they later bought caught up within the tide of Britpop. However actually, Lush by no means actually match into both of these classes. They made music that ranged from ethereal 4AD fare to indie pop belters, however by no means appeared a part of a scene as such, each their music and the individuals who made it not being so self-limiting.
Miki Berenyi was the point of interest of Lush. Centre stage with vivid crimson hair, she had a putting and recognisable picture, however by no means let this put her off mingling with the group at gigs and festivals. I bear in mind seeing her wandering via the throng at Glastonbury, chatting with followers as she went and, following a Lush gig in Liverpool, she turned up at a membership to look at Levitation, the place she autographed my cassette recording of the Lush gig with the phrases “Assist me I’m Diamond Whited!”
Lush had been an excellent 90s band and the data they created have stood the take a look at of time and nonetheless sound nearly as good at the moment as they ever had. They turned staples of the weekly music press for a very long time, as they performed and drank their approach via this most fertile time for indie music. What all of this fails to organize us for nonetheless is simply how good a author Berenyi is. Fingers Crossed is, on account of this, a completely important learn. It’s as open and sincere because it may probably be, Berenyi has the knack of having the ability to sum up individuals’s characters in a pointy and concise method, a present she activates herself greater than she turns it on anybody else.
Whereas she is keen to alter the names of a few of its individuals to guard them from having their faults uncovered, this can be a luxurious she denies herself. I don’t suppose I’ve ever learn such a self-aware account of an individual’s foibles, failings and habits anyplace, Berenyi is relentless when turning the highlight on herself, which generally makes for uncomfortable studying however on the similar time makes you like her for being her.
She additionally overtly admits that different individuals’s accounts could also be utterly completely different from hers, one thing that could be true of her fellow Lush songwriter Emma Anderson. Berenyi’s telling of their complicated and aggressive relationship has a scorched earth really feel to it, leaving me considering that any probability of them working collectively once more is negligible. There’s a feeling that, if Berenyi goes to the time and bother of writing an autobiography, she feels that she should inform the reality in any respect prices. That is maybe the purpose of Fingers Crossed, that the reality, or a minimum of her fact, merely must be informed.
Fingers Crossed is informed chronologically and begins off with a troubling childhood. Berenyi will not be a lot uncared for by her dad and mom as ignored, as they each get on with different points of their life. In her father’s case, this was primarily writing and womanizing whereas her mom centered on her profession as an actress and mannequin. This all gave Berenyi an uncommon childhood that could possibly be described as bohemian, however ‘troubled’ is perhaps a extra correct euphemism, particularly when her grandmother got here into the image, bringing abuse and cruelty into the equation. Berenyi recognises her troublesome childhood as resulting in neediness that bled into her future relationships and, partly, Fingers Crossed has a contact of remedy about it. Self-harm, poor vanity and promiscuity are the results of the abuse and dereliction Berenyi suffered and it’s troublesome to learn her accounts of the influence this childhood had on her teenagers and early twenties with out desperately wanting her to search out some sort of peaceable decision. Not often have the seeds of abuse or abandonment and their results been higher adopted via a life or higher expressed.
Berenyi’s time in Lush can also be put underneath the microscope, detailing the complexities of band life and the way she coped with the rise in consideration that got here with it. Lush got a tough time, in all probability as a result of half of the band dared to be feminine. Berenyi herself turns into the topic of an inordinate quantity of flak and it’s troublesome to conclude that this isn’t the results of her being a) a woman, b) visually distinctive and c) profitable.
I want to suppose that individuals concerned in what we will vaguely name the choice scene could be much less inclined to sexism, prejudice and bullying behaviour, however this doesn’t appear to be the case. Certainly, plainly being feminine means appalling behaviour is mechanically made a part of your life, from virtually informal verbal abuse to outright cruelty. I don’t typically get to see this type of factor within the male bubble I inhabit, so Berenyi’s therapy appears as surprising because it does unhappy and pointless.
The highs and lows of being in a band are expertly detailed, and it’s troublesome to see which outweighs the opposite. Rivalries and funds rear their head and are what finally breaks the band up, as is commonly the case. Berenyi says of this time “Folks suppose they hardest time for a band is at first, while you’re struggling to make it. ..Far more durable while you’re already on the ladder and terrified of falling off. I by no means a lot minded the workload, however the monetary exploitation, the bickering with Emma, the nervousness and the relentless lack of fucking respect floor me down.”
The guide concludes with the dying of drummer Chris Acland. I bear in mind this occasion taking place, but it surely nonetheless comes throughout as a shock when studying this guide. Lush had successfully cut up up shortly earlier than this tragic occasion.
A closing chapter known as Encore brings the story updated. Fortunately there’s a blissful ending the place Berenyi has grown up and perhaps even escaped or come to phrases with the shitstorm that her life threw at her. Hopefully, this isn’t the final of her writings we will see, as her approach with phrases and her knack for expressing herself so nicely leaves us wanting extra.
Fingers Crossed is a robust, emotional journey intensely nicely informed. All different autobiographies needs to be judged towards it.
Purchase Fingers Crossed from Tough Commerce right here
Comply with Lush and Miki Berenyi on Fb right here
All phrases by Banjo, try his Louder Than Warfare archive right here.
