Are you planning on vacationing to Scotland? Are you fearful about embarrassing your self? By chance insulting a stranger? Appearing like a fanny? This information is for you!
Please observe that is only a tongue-in-cheek little bit of enjoyable, and I hope I don’t insult anybody. If I’ve, please
electronic mail Yvette straight. Within the topic, please write “Delete this electronic mail with out opening.”
Additionally, fanny doesn’t imply the identical factor over right here. On with the nonsense!
What Not To Do When You Go to Scotland
Meals & Drink
1. Spell ‘whisky’ as ‘whiskey’
‘Whiskey’ is Irish or certainly American.
Bourbon isn’t whisky. We snigger at Bourbon. Then drink copious quantities of it at weekends anyway.
2. Add something aside from water or ice to your whisky
The barman will escort you to the door the place the police will meet you to escort you to the airport. That’s like slapping God within the face for giving you a stunning present.
3. Discuss with whisky as Scotch
Or the folks for that matter. You possibly can name us horny.
4. Settle for a drink with out shopping for one in return
“The spherical” system dictates that everybody in a bunch should purchase everybody else within the group a drink, regardless of how many individuals there are. Ten-person rounds aren’t unusual. Neither are hangovers.
5. Purchase bottled water
Our water is wonderful. Carry a refillable bottle. Whether or not faucet water or straight from a highland stream, it’s a present from the Gods.
6. Come all this manner and never attempt haggis
For those who’ve ever eaten scorching canines, you’ve eaten worse. Not less than we don’t conceal what the substances are.
Tradition
7. Ask if we all know your pal Jock McTavish from Auchtermuchty
There are greater than 5 million of us. There’s an excellent likelihood we don’t. Except it’s Jock McTavish from Auchtermuchty who used to play rugby as a laddie and his grandad used to run the butchers within the
excessive road…
8. Discuss with your self as Scottish
For those who, your mother and father, your grandparents, your nice grandparents, et al as soon as vacationed in Seton Sands Caravan Park this doesn’t make you Scottish or no matter different tenuous hyperlink you possibly can conjure up. We do settle for exemplary purposes for membership although.
9. Begin a dialog about faith
Sectarianism in Scotland remains to be rife in sure areas. It’s a topic finest averted. Even our soccer groups have robust hyperlinks to Catholicism and Protestantism. Aye, it’s silly. We all know.
10. Ask somebody if they’ll play the bagpipes
In fact we will. Each single considered one of us. The Scottish authorities provides a “My first bagpipes set”
as a part of the Child Bins given out to new mother and father.
11. Anticipate us to be ‘perma-kilted’
Instances have modified, “Now, the kilt was just for day-to-day put on. In battle, we donned a full-length ball robe lined in sequins. The concept was to blind your opponent with luxurious” – Groundskeeper
Willie.
12. Ask a person what’s beneath his kilt
It’s his boaby. If a person is in a kilt, it’s doubtless for an important day and he’s greater than doubtless had a number of
drinks and can be delighted to point out you ‘the final turkey within the store.’
13. Converse with a Scottish accent
Even in the event you’re in your seventh spherical simply don’t. We have been in all probability having fun with speaking to you up till that
level however will doubtless make any excuse to go away. “Sorry, I’ve left my gerbil on hearth at dwelling.”
14. Discuss politics
The entire independence factor will be fairly divisive. We simply have a tendency to save lots of our opinions for the voting sales space right here. Most likely finest you don’t carry up US politics both as you won’t hear what you anticipated whether or not you’re a gun-toting redneck republican or a kind of tree-hugging liberals.
On a aspect observe, I’ve nonetheless by no means met a Scotsman who appreciated Margaret Thatcher. I hope I by no means do.
15. Complain in regards to the lack of face garments and high sheets
We’re a hardy bunch. We wash our faces with handfuls of gravel and sleep beneath unravelled kilts. Critically although – this has been probably the most mentioned matter on the Scotland Journey Suggestions Fb group. It’s mind-boggling.
16. Take our gruffness as impolite
It rains right here 367 days a yr. It’s largely all the way down to seasonal affective dysfunction. We’d stroll round
with a face like a smacked arse however we’re genuinely a few of the friendliest folks you’ll ever meet.
17. Queue Soar
When you’ve got ever questioned how lynch mobs grow to be a factor it is a nice option to discover out.
18. Get offended if somebody asks to “Bum a fag off you”
This actually means “Can I probably have considered one of your cigarettes please my good man? I seem to
have left my cigarillos on the credenza within the boudoir.”
19. Make a film about an immortal claymore-wielding Scotsman and have him performed by a French Canadian with a plummy Scottish accent, whereas an precise Scotsman performs his Spanish mentor (however refuses to talk with something however a Scottish accent.)
I’m after all referring to 1986’s ought to’ve-been-straight-to-video basic, Highlander, starring Christopher Lambert and Sean Connery. I slate Braveheart and Mel Gibson in each different article I’ve
ever written so it was time to combine it up.
Journey and Transport
20. Overlook to thank the bus driver
I used to be shocked not too long ago to be taught that it isn’t common to say “Cheers, driver” when disembarking a public bus. Manners go a good distance.
21. Keep within the overtaking lane
If you’re driving on a motorway or twin carriageway and overtake a slower automobile don’t overlook to maneuver again into the left lane when it’s protected to take action.
22. Hire a automotive with out studying this primary
Learn this information to driving in Scotland and it’ll make you significantly better ready.
Sure, I’m selling considered one of my very own articles on my journey blogger spouse’s web site. It’s a aim of mine to have the article with probably the most reads as it’s going to wind her as much as no finish. Share it with your mates!
23. Butcher world well-known place names
Edinburgh is pronounced “Ed-in-bruh”. Glasgow is pronounced “Glazz-go”. Milngavie is pronounced
“Mull-guy.” Erm… aye.
24. Rub the canine’s nostril
Simply don’t contact the Greyfriars Bobby statue in Edinburgh in any respect. He’s a nationwide hero and must be recognised as such. Some eejit tour information made up the hearsay it was fortunate to stroke his nostril. It isn’t It angers him and he’s a vengeful pooch.
25. Suppose Scotland is a part of England
I simply imply… what…?!
To Conclude
These are just a few humorous examples; we aren’t truly that judgmental. Get the airplane tickets sorted, guide some lodging, and are available have an excellent time with us. Oh, and produce cash – it’s your spherical.
